The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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