You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
