Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
