Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
