No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
40s are totally the cure
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
