I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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