It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude. I can hear the air.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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