Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
