I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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