my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
