i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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