I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
