I just saw a hot homeless man
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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