How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Randomize
