so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
3 2 1 whiskey
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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