you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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