Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
