why didn't you poke me back
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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