Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
