What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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