i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
