Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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