I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
