The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
