Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
