I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
