I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
