YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
