Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
