come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
