He uses pillows to masturbate.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
