Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
