Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
