Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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