does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
