I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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