can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
