we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
