Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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