I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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