Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
