So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
