He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
try to milk me bitch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
