ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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