i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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