Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
