so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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