I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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