According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
