what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
